It has been five years since I last set foot in an ISKCON temple.
To be honest my life today is completely different to how it was when I was a
Hare Krishna member. In fact, remembering back feels more like a bad dream than
reality. I am now in my 40's and starting over. To think I gave the institution
more than half my life and how they treated me over the years is a painful
recollection.
Writing about my experiences was initially for my own release, for
my personal healing, but over the years many have read my posts and those who
are not affiliated with the ISKCON movement have been the most supportive and
helpful. However, the abuse of devote ISKCON members persists, in fact now more
than ever, for some reason they feel having an ex-member write about their personal experiences to the wider public is bad press for their image. That may be the
case, but I am not writing to promote or demote any organisation, I am writing
to exercise my write of freedom and speech. I am a proud independent woman, who
fought for freedom and escaped a cult.
Many times, I considered compiling a book about my past, but I
haven't the funding or such a task, not yet at least. I know there will be
great opposition from the ISKCON society but that is the least of my concern,
they can continue to bully and manipulate me into silence, but that will only
push me further to make a more profound statement revealing the truth to all.
It has been so many years since leaving, yet I cannot help feel as
if my life has been stolen. So many years taken from me, I was used, raped,
abused and brainwashed into thinking the world outside of ISKCON confines were
evil, that all non-members were demons, that all women were less intelligent,
were nothing more than sexual objects, that they were the root cause of all
unhappiness, they were responsible for divorce, that women have no rights,
deserved to be beaten into submission and enjoyed rape. Even though I disagreed
with these statements, these are their teachings by the founder himself and
nobody would ever dare question these statements or it was considered
blasphemous.
I have missed out on a normal teenage and adult life, starting
over is a little daunting, but also exciting. The institution was wrong on so
many levels, I cannot begin to explain how wonderful and liberating it feels to
be an equal, to be treated with respect and kindness. I learnt my rights and
how loving and compassionate non-members are in comparison.
Devotees never cared about my well-being, when my health started
failing and I had no money, they couldn't care less of my existence.
I have finally found real friends, people I can be myself with,
not wearing a mask, I can be honest and reveal my mind in confidence. I know I
have true genuine friendships now, in ISKCON there are no real friendships.
Those who I believed in and treated as my very own family all refused to help
me when I was struggling.
I read more and more cases mirroring my own, on one hand it is
painful to read their experience, some were born in this movement and left due
to the oppressive teachings and rampant abuse and neglect, but on another hand,
it is most inspiring to read about their new-found freedom, how much they have
achieved since leaving.
Truth over tolerance.
This life is yours and yours alone, do not allow others to dictate
how you should live!
Stay strong and fight for freedom!
