I have not posted anything in a while due to my University commitments. However, I just completed my final exams and hoping to graduate soon. So, I've once again picked up my pencils and began doing what I love, Art!
It has been an incredible journey to date. I got involved with a 'spiritual institution', or thought they were, was married quickly to a man I barely knew and regretted it ever since. But I found my freedom, at the cost of everything, literally everything.... I decided my life was mine to live, for nobody to dictate, to end the constant abuse endured by my husband who pretended to be a saintly priest, I walked out with the determination to either find my freedom or die trying.
The so called 'spiritual institution' known as ISKCON is nothing more than a cult in my opinion. I lived the lifestyle for over 25 years, lived in temples, studied the books, performed altar services and cook. I was a very strict practicing member of the society for many years, but I always felt I was trying to silence the little voice in the back of my mind that was doubtful. This is what members would call "Maya" or to you and I that is "Illusion". Everything that went against their beliefs would e considered "Maya" and or "demoniac". It is believed that if you listen to this voice, you place yourself at risk of losing your faith in God and His true path, the one and only way to gain the Lord's favour and love, the only way to liberation and freedom from rebirth, which they believe is ISKCON.
I ignored this little voice, I would chant the repeated words of the "Holy Maha Mantra" louder and louder and more and more to drown that little voice out so much so that I actually believed it was gone for good. The "Maha Mantra" were a mere three words in constant repetition for a minimum of 2 hours a day. Hare, Krishna and Rama. These words are believed to be the names of God and His energy. In total the mantra was as follows:
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna
Hare Hare
Hare Rama, Hare Rama
Rama Rama
Hare Hare
"Hare" is also believed to be the Lords energy or personality called Radharani. She is supposedly the embodiment of Krishna's love. Krishna a black cowherd boy that was mischievous and known to have loving intimate relations with the female cowherd girls. Rama is well known Hindu figure and from the epic Ramayana. To gain Krishna, devotees believe they must first receive the mercy from Radharani, that nobody can approach God directly, only through God's representatives.
Devotees also believe that there is only ever one gender, that only God Himself is the true male, all other are females. Although today they may deny this and many things, they constantly changing the society to try and fit in with the rest of civilisation! There was a time when they all believed that all women were actually all incarnations of Radharani, but that perspective quickly changed due to the rampant domestic violence, abuse and rape in the society. Many will deny that this was going on while their leader Srila Prabhupada was still living. I however, can testify that he did in fact know all about the abuse of women and children. He knew, but wanted it kept quiet, it was a problem in the early days and has only escalated over years.
When you first get introduced to the society, these are topics that they will avoid. I was one of them once upon a time, preaching and bringing in new people was first priority all the time. Never uttering a bad word about the society was something we all had to abide by, in fear of that we may be excommunicated or fear of losing our faith and thus lose our one and only chance to go back to God. Many times the people I introduced would return to me years later, after finding out the truth about ISKCON and ask me why I wasn't truthful about everything from the very beginning! The real ISKCON is not a pretty picture and I feared that if I spoke of these things, I would be committing an offence and loose faith myself and as a result never gain God's love.
Does it sound like a cult to you yet?
ISKCON had lawyers on standby all the time, they spend millions on court cases to keep victims quiet. The management quickly ban devotees from temples if they speak out, congregation and members are told to stay away from excommunicated devotees because they are "fallen" and "demoniac". Members do not see it, but the institution has them under control with fear. They claim to be simple and happy, but what truly lurks beneath is a brainwashing cult. They will openly and happily say they are brainwashed, that their filthy minds have been washed clean by the true word of God, that they now know their true purpose in life.
It has been five years to date since I left my abusive husband and ISKCON. I struggled to get back on my feet, but I'm much healthier and happier for taking those steps today. The hardest part was gaining my mental freedom. I'm starting to take my life back, enjoying life once again, enjoying the things I loved before....it almost feels like I've been asleep for over two and a half decades and now learning everything from scratch.
Baby steps, I gain strength with each day. This blog is like therapy, it helps me reflect and move forward. I hope that those reading it will find some benefit or insight in my words. It has been an incredible journey, hopefully I can compile my experiences into a book.
Thank you for reading.
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